Death is not something that happens at the end of life. Death happens every moment. We live a wondrous flow of birth and death. The end of one experience is the beginning of the next experience, which quickly comes to its own end, leading to a new beginning. It’s like a river continuously flowing.

Legacy Work

I suspect that when I mention the word ‘legacy’, many of us think of an inheritance or a gift, perhaps a family heirloom or real estate that is handed down. While these physical elements do fall under the umbrella of legacy, there is a non-physical form of legacy that I believe every person wants to leave behind, which captures the very essence of your life. This aspect of legacy celebrates your life, honouring and memorialising your values and beliefs, memories, friendships, love, and the influence your life had. These intangible gifts are the things that declare to the world, “This is what gave my life meaning, and these are the things I leave behind in the hope that they influence my loved ones in a significant way.”

What legacy do you want to leave to influence how future generations remember you? A legacy project takes these intangible gifts and puts them into a tangible form and can be the perfect solution to tell your story and leave a lasting impression. A legacy project captures your life and the lessons learned along the way, or it celebrates things that were most important to you, such as a cause or an interest. This is an opportunity for you to share wisdom, the deep and meaningful moments of your life, and tell your story. Your legacy captures the insights you have in the present because of experiences in the past – communicating them to build the future. 

Probably more important than all this, though, is that your legacy project can provide untold comfort for your loved ones after you die, giving them something to hold onto as they grieve and learn to navigate a life in which you are no longer physically present. 

The desire to do such a project often stems from a movement towards self-reflection, which the diagnosis of a terminal illness, a sudden realisation that we are becoming the elders in our family, a shock death of one of our own may prompt. Something shifts in our body and soul, and we begin to realise what is most important in this life. There is, however, no reason not to do a legacy project at any time of your life. It can form the foundation of the picture you paint of your life and can be added to over the years. 

What, then, is a Legacy Project?

This token you leave behind for your loved ones is a physical creation that shares your personal message. It can involve life events, biography information, personal accomplishments, wisdom and knowledge, philosophy or faith traditions, hopes, and dreams. As you begin designing your project, you will notice a natural ‘sifting’ of thoughts taking place, as the significant things in life to come to the forefront and the hollow falls away. 

Ideas include journals, love boxes, collages, photo albums (physical or digital), or song compilations with an accompanying explanation of the chosen songs, and their pertinence to you. Whatever form you choose, let your project be a medium that speaks to your personality and preferences. For example, you might use images, words, or music–or a combination of multiple modalities. Some legacy projects contain unique pictures and words, while others are compilations from other resources. The purpose is to pass on the things you received in your life in a way that communicates value, meaning, and emotion.

Legacy projects can be created and worked on alone, with your partner or spouse, any of your children, friends, or relatives, or even in a larger group e.g. your core family. Let’s chat about a project that tells the story of your precious life.

What is an Advanced Directive?

An Advanced Directive (AD), also known as a living will, is a document in which you make known your wishes for your personal care, and for your medical treatment or non-treatment should you at a point in your life lack the capacity to make personal decisions.

Often, when we consider our own death, we can’t envision a time when we will be unable to speak directly to our doctor about our health and healthcare needs and make decisions for related treatment and care. Having an AD takes care of this by setting out your preferences before such a time, and when you are in a position to be presented with and then consider all your options. It is important to remember that the AD only comes into effect if/when you lack the capacity to make these personal decisions and includes (but is not limited to) decisions regarding:

· Where would you like to spend your last days? Most people want to spend their last days at home, but medical decisions taken on their behalf make this impossible.

· Would you want to be kept on life support for an indefinite period of time? How would you want your loved ones to manage the decision around this?

· Would you want to be resuscitated if you were in the advanced stages of terminal illness or in a permanent vegetative state?

· Who would you want to be having these discussions with doctors and making these decisions should the need arise?

· Do you wish for your organs to be donated after death?

In a medical emergency, or any other circumstance which leaves you unable to communicate, your Advance Directive will help those responsible for your care to decide on your treatment. And it will help your loved ones to make the right decisions on your behalf. Without an Advance Directive you may be subject to aggressive medical intervention, which you may not want to have. Or you may have a specific medical condition for which you do want all available treatment. The AD allows you, a competent person, to appoint or mandate a specific person as your substitute/proxy healthcare decision-maker ensuring that your desires for your end of life experience can be met as closely as possibly.

Vigils

A vigil begins when it is clear that the person is in the final stage of their dying process, i.e., the signs and symptoms point to the body now breaking down irrevocably. Unless the person has requested to be alone during their death, there will need to be someone present or near the bedside at all times. Here we hold space for the dying person’s end of life plans to be carried out, and for their family and loved ones to be supported and assisted as the rhythm of life becomes the rhythm of death, and the final good-bye is said. 

Respite Care

Respite care provides short-term relief for primary caregivers, giving them time to rest or attend to urgent matters away from their beloved’s side. This can be arranged so that the dying person is resting during times of respite care, which ensures the loved ones can be fully present for the dying person when they aren’t resting. The doula, understanding the signs of imminent death, will know when to call loved one’s to the bedside. Should this not be possible, there is the assurance that the person does not die alone.

Funeral/Memorial/Celebration of Life Service Planning

As a qualified funeral celebrant, I can assist you with the planning and conducting of a meaningful funeral or memorial service for your loved one. The funeral/memorial service honours and celebrates the life of your loved one and can be a deeply meaningful experience as your grieving progresses towards accepting a life with your loved one no longer physically present, but always alive in spirit.

Living Funerals

A living funeral is a celebration of life service with a twist – the person being celebrated is still alive and present to hear the eulogies, praises and farewells given before death. If you know your time is short, this ‘party’ of sorts is a wonderful opportunity for friends and family to share with their loved one just how they impacted their lives, how much they are loved, and how sorely they will be missed. These celebrations help families prepare for the inevitable, and bond while focusing on life when they often feel helpless in the face of death.